by Caring Carol on January 31, 2012
Dear Caring Carol,
I went to the wake of my best friend’s cousin, and it was more like a party with loud laughter, storytelling, even singing. Is this appropriate? Isn’t there a certain form of sympathy etiquette that should be followed at wakes?
Margaret in Plano
Dear Margaret,
Everyone deals with loss in their own personal way. I understand how you may have felt this was inappropriate behavior, but the reality is that families have certain traditions and ways of extending condolences that not everyone else understands. This cousin may have specifically asked for this type of ceremony, or perhaps this is how most of the family wakes tend to flow. Just because there is laughter and joy that does not mean the deceased is not loved and missed. Try to be more open to the experience and not judgmental. You do not have to participate in the laughter and singing, but don’t let this make you uncomfortable. Everyone at the wake has shown great respect by being there and should not be judged for how they react to loss. This is a natural part of the grieving process for people. And always remember, sometimes laughter heals wounds.
Caring Carol
by Caring Carol on January 24, 2012
Dear Caring Carol,
Do you have any suggestions on things that lift a person’s spirits when one of their family members passes away? I have a co-worker named Ron whose grandmother passed away, and no matter what I do to try and make him smile or laugh, it just doesn’t work. I understand this is a very difficult time for him, but I feel helpless not being able to do anything to get him through it. I really wish to brighten things up for Ron – if only for a little while. What do you think I should do? Thanks.
George in Hanover
Dear George,
There are so many things you can do to help lift your co-worker’s spirit, just remember, if he is not ready to smile and laugh, it will be tough for him to do. That still doesn’t mean that Ron doesn’t understand or won’t appreciate what you are trying to do. Some wonderful sources of encouragement are inexpensive, and in fact, most are free to do, but are extremely rich in meaning. For example, you can write a supportive quote on his facebook wall on a random day; this will let him know your thoughts are with him even though you are out of work. You can also send Ron a card with a few heartfelt words that aren’t overwrought. One example can be simply stated like the following: “I’ll always be right there for you, if you need a listening ear.” Good luck cheering your co-worker up, he is lucky to have a friend like you who cares so much. He will come around, slowly but surely!
Caring Carol
by Caring Carol on January 17, 2012
Dear Caring Carol,
When I heard the news story of the Madonna Badger who lost her three daughters and parents in the Stamford, Connecticut Christmas morning fire my heart was broken. The more I heard the worse the story became, unbelievable and horrific. Not only did Madonna Badger lose her children, her parents were in the house also and I am sure they had plans to have a wonderful family Christmas. Madonna Badger’s father played Santa this Christmas at the urging of one of his granddaughters; he must have been a very kind man, he was found trying to bring one of the girls to safety. The fire started because ashes were removed from the fireplace so Santa would not get hurt.
My question for you is would it be okay to send a sympathy card to Madonna Badger? I would send it to St. Thomas Church in Manhattan where the funeral was held. As selfish as this sounds, I need to express my grief. Thank you.
Lynn in Norwalk
Dear Lynn,
You can absolutely send a sympathy card. It may be a long time before the family can come to read it but if they see how many people care it may help their grief and help them find some peace; I would urge everyone to send condolence cards. You could send the card to the church, or you may want to research and see if there is a specific address that cards and donations may be sent.
Caring Carol
